A few:
- If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour.
- Always toast before doing a shot.
- Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast.
- Change your toast at least once a month.
- Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.
- Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.
- Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong.
- If he makes it too weak, order a double next time. He’ll get the message.
- Always have a corkscrew in your house.
- If you don’t have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the bottle with a pen.
- It’s okay to drink alone.
- If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English.
- Screaming, “Someone buy me a drink!” has never worked.
- If you bring booze to a party, you must drink it or leave it.
- If you hesitate more than three seconds after the bartender looks at you, you do not deserve a drink.
- Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you dramatic, tequila makes you felonious.
- Rules are made to be broken.
- Bottoms up!
